Hey all, This was written from a hospital bed… my health is a pain. That being said let’s get to it!!
*LOVE*
We all know what this word means. Do we all know that love is truly an action word? Not just an adjective. Love is an action. It’s something we can do and show. It’s a huge part of all of us. We grow up idolize for love stories around us. We read stories about it and watch movies. Striving for a love that makes our heart flutter, makes us smile bigger and brighter. We all want it. Don’t lie…
I thought it was fake. I was a skeptic I hated sappy movies, stupid sappy books. I grew up with divorced parents, and grandparents. I saw failed love. Quit trying to sell me a lie. We don’t get happy endings. Love like that didn’t exist. Someone isn’t going to love me like that. Men are pigs. Men only use us. The list of things I believed was endless. I had a deep seeded hate for love and men.
Then two things happened. I learned about God and I found real love. Not without a bit of work.
Let’s start with God. He showed me grace. And a whole lot of love. Never ending and unfailing love. Loving me at my hardest and bringing me through the hardest things I have ever had to face. He’s the rock. He showed me that I’m fearfully and wonderfully made. He showed me that I’m so lovable. I grew to love him too. He showed me a love I was desperately seeking. He made me believe. He opened me up so I get receive the man I call the love of my life. next to god. God kept his promise and on HIS TIME, he gave me what I wanted.
Popeye. That’s what we will call him for now. Let’s keep him anonymous a little while longer. We met in March, after a tough health battle and, a stressful move. I was getting deep in my love for god, working out and doing me. I was in a good spot. I spent some time on various dating sites. One of them being Tinder…didn’t take me long to form some very strong opinions on the male population. And to figure out what I was looking for and how I wanted to be treated. I was not to be treated like some glorified sex toy, I want respect, I wanted the whole nine yards. I wanted my knight in shining whatever or my prince. I wouldn’t settle for less. I often wound up frustrated or in tears. Wondering why I couldn’t get my happy ending or fairy tale. Why I couldn’t get the nice guy. I had some awful pickup lines thrown at me, and oh so much more. Wait for the blog post called The Horrors of Online Dating. There will be one trust me. Now I know this is how my generation meets people. So please Do not judge. I spent time on some that were just infuriating. Not all men are living for god or god’s way. I’d actually go far as to say most aren’t. They like to say they are but trust me…. that’s a lie. Quite a few times I felt ready to give up. But I didn’t. And I’m so glad I didn’t. This story is really very interesting.
My search for “my knight in shining whatever” (Grey’s Anatomy reference, sorry not sorry) was beginning to get very bleak. At one point I was on almost every mainstream dating app available to me. Constantly matching and messaging. Only to end up with gross pickup lines, immature boys, boys only wanting sex and just incompatible people. I wasn’t being super picky either. I wanted a man. I knew that for sure. I took people’s suggestion on how to make my profile standout. I read countless articles on how to find the next boyfriend. None of them worked. SO after a really hard workout in the gym, talking to a guy that I had no interest in, and growing really tired of wondering if I would ever get my happy ending. I decided to go home and delete the dating apps. They weren’t working so what was the point? I went home, showered and was sitting on my bed deleting the apps. I had countless messages that frankly embarrass men. Growing more and more annoyed I was so ready to give up on love. I was looking for the kind of relationship that they write about In love stories. The kind in songs, where men love their woman so much that they treat them like it. Someone to treat me well. I want a love that people see and can tell we were put together by God. I wanted my Prince Charming, my best friend and my person. I had decided the kind of girlfriend and wife I wanted to be. I wanted to make the man know how special he was everyday, be their best friend, and love them endlessly. I wasn’t looking to sport date. I was looking for the man I would marry. I didn’t want to waste time dating meaningless people when I could be spending time with the love of my life. Because I knew when I found that person, the time we had together would already not be enough. Time is valuable.
So back to the story. I had deleted most of my dating apps.. all that left was one called clover. Not your usual app. I was scrolling through before I deleted it and I saw Popeyes’s profile. Now I will be honest, his profile wasn’t great. He didn’t have many pictures and a really short bio. I don’t know what made me like him but something did. Something told me to message him. So I did. We matched up and I messaged him. Right away. A simple hi, how are you ?. That was it. It was late about one am if I remember right. We talked all night. Till about three am. We talked all day the next day… and the day after that. We quickly realized how much we had in common… we talked about everything. I was really smitten. We were hitting off. He was true gentleman and didn’t treat me like anyone else. He said some of the most amazing things to me. He was a dream come true. About three days into our talking we called each other and talked for four hours. FOUR!!! It only felt like ten minutes. We were really connecting. So we kept talking and things went really well. We were dying to meet each other. He had told me I was “the best”. He saw our potential. Within a few days we talked about the future, we talked about our feelings and love was already beginning to blossom. By about the fourth day we had to meet each other.
I broke a big rule and let him come to my house. I went downstairs and let him in.i was so nervous and oh so excited. I will never forget the first time I saw him in person. Truly love at first sight. I kissed him. Not long after seeing him. A deep and passionate kiss, a type of kiss I had never felt before. I knew then that I wanted to be his girlfriend.. I brought him upstairs and talked to him for a few minutes before kissing him again. I kissed him and it led to another… and before I knew it, we were getting dressed and to go get ice cream. Strawberry. His favorite. We had and amazing time getting ice cream. We set up our second date and he went home. We were both very smitten. I would even say early love. Later that week we ended up having a sleepover at my place, we had Azteca and played our favorite game, phase ten. Things were very different for us… he met my family after about a week. My grandparents and sister. I had never had a boyfriend meet my grandparents …. None of my relationships ever really worked. I was too driven or too serious about where the relationships were going. Popeye liked this about me though.
We spent the next few weeks falling more in love and by the end of our first month together we were in full blown love. We knew we would be together for a long time! We discussed the future in great detail and length. We had the same goals. He went to church with me and still does. He came to my baptism. Took me out to prom. Spent time with my mom and my niece. We moved fast to most people but it wasn’t for us. It was normal. We simply progressed. We never held back. And yeah it eventually got hard but it always does and you don’t quit even then. I had moments where I would look at him and I would smile, my heart would smile. I felt it in every part of me.
After three months I had introduced to a huge chunk of my family, my parents, and most of my siblings. I had met his family and we were in business. Our love was and still is so epic. We did so many things together. Road trips, dinner dates, long walks, the beach, motorcycle rides, pageant life, family events and so much more. We were open and honest and always doing the little things for each other. He treats me like I’m a princess. The things he says, the things he does…. Are all the things I could have dreamed of and more. He came to the hospital with my favorite food. He’s caught me when I have passed out.. and shown me true love. There have been nights I wake up with messages just cause he was thinking about me. Often looking at my pictures and telling me I’m beautiful. Princess and queen are often things he calls me. He looks at me like I’m the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen. He tells me loves me so often. I never have to wonder. He sends me songs that make him think of me. Popeye is the most amazing man. We get told a lot that we look happy together and that we are very cute. And I will agree. He makes me smile so big. People see a true happiness that’s from the inside out in both of us. He makes me better.
One time we went to dinner… and we were just being us. We went to this fancy restaurant , with a amazing view of the Seattle waterfront. We were over the water. Seals were swimming by us. The sun was setting. And we had the most amazing meal in front of us. And I will never forget that moment and looking across the table and seeing his smile and his brown eyes and feeling so in love with him. Feeling so joyful. Knowing that the man I had prayed for and hoped for was sitting right across from me.
So we are about two and half months away from being together for six months. These have been some of the best months. We have had moments where it’s really hard. We even took a week break. But we are stronger. We love each other. Trust each other and respect each other. We poke fun at each other, laugh and love so much! We are going to be together for a very long time. And one day I want nothing more than to be his wife. I look forward to that day. I want to be the one he comes home to. We have so many plans together. He’s my future…every big thing I want, I want him right beside me.
So yes….. online dating works! Yes your man is out there! And yes true love is real. And it feels so good!!!!! Don’t stop looking. And age differences and heigh differences don’t matter! (After your 18) Me and Popeye have a 16 year age difference… Im about six or seven inches taller. But guess what? Our love conquers that. “Love conquers all”. I have anxiety, PTSD and depression….he still loves me. We make it work. Fairytales do exist. They aren’t like the ones int the books though. They are real and much better. We have had hard times but nothing compared to the good! All relationships do. We aren’t perfect. But we love each other and god and that’s enough. I truly believe in love.
The age of online dating!
