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Kandysse's Blog

My WordPress Blog.. Here's my life, my thoughts and so much more!

Tag: death

Another angel…

Hello everyone,

I would very much like to not be seeing this unfold or have this conversation again. And what is “this” you may be wondering? I am referring to the death of a sweet young girl by the name of Aubreigh Wyatt. I am incredibly saddened to hear this right on the heels of Genzelle. Another case of a beautiful young girl being bullied to death. Aubreigh’s mom has been court ordered to keep quiet and no social media or press. That doesn’t mean I can’t use my voice for her. I Think it’s incredibly unfair to silence her and I think if anything this needs to be a conversation on the forefront even more now.

This beautiful young girl had her whole life ahead of her. She was a girl for god. Walking by the light of his path. She was a sister. She was a daughter. She had many amazing things about her. She was only 13.  She did gymnastics and was loved by many for her bubbly personality. I can’t imagine the pain her family is going through. My heart truly goes out to them.

Just a few months ago, locally we dealt with another young teen girl who had been bullied to the point she took her own life. I hate to see another. The world truly has to change and people desperately need to learn to be kind. Has no one heard Thumper? “If you can’t say nothing nice, don’t say nothing at all”, This is a lesson I think most people could take to heart. We are often told not to let words hurt us. But words do hurt. And when they are repeated to you everyday you begin to believe them. I know I certainly did. It’s taken years to overcome them and no longer hear them ringing in my ears or echo when I look in the mirror. There is no reason that anyone needs to be this way. It costs absolutely nothing to be kind, and if you can’t be kind then just don’t say anything.. Anyone who’s been bullied didn’t deserve it. To the kids who have died as a result is also horrible. Parents need to do better. Schools need to do better.

I fully believe that if someone is bullied to the point of sucide then those responsible should be charged with murder. It is no different than killing someone in cold blood in my opinion. In this whole process some how the Wyatt family is still the ones ending up in pain. Heather may not be able to share Aubreigh’s story, but I can. And I absolutely every intention of doing so.

This is another example of a death that absolutely could have been prevented. In this case the four girls responsible for Aubreigh’s death and bullying sued Heather. Causing the court to order silence from her. Demanding that she removes herself form all social media. To stop talking about her daughter. TO which It makes me wonder….it seems a little odd that the court is not allowing free speech on the topic. What are they getting out of this?? If your kids are a hundred percent innocent then why does she need to be silenced. I think it’s crossing a line and incredibly suspicious.

The internet can be both an incredible place and horrible one. Sometimes at the same time. Through the internet I was able to learn about both girls. And especially in this case, able to also see the evidence. And there is more than enough of it. The internet is also allowing for people all over to hear her story and share it. Say her name and bring justice. To mourn together and offer our love and company as they battle this. It allows us to show each other that we are never alone. It’s showing both the best and the worst of people. I am extremely grateful for the internet and it allowing me to hear of this so I can advocate and try to bring justice.

In learning about this case, I learned that it was another situation where the school had been informed of the bullying and did nothing. Where at one point they said oh “so and so would never do that”. No punishment and no protection of the victim. After a certain point you get tired and stop reporting or never do it altogether because you learn that it doesn’t matter if you do. Now we are dealing with court cases built to silence Aubreigh’s mom and hide her story. A court case of the girls and their parents defending and minimizing their actions. Or claiming defimation for their girls to be addressed for what they did. They don’t like their kids being the villain in the story so they want it closed.

I am disgusted by not only the school and all the staff who sat by, I am disgusted by the judicial system and the parents. By humanity. We have come to accept the bullying and unkindness. I will be the first to say that I absolutely do not accept this. I want to make change. This has to stop…. are they not going to care until it’s their kid buried before even finding themselves? Are they okay with it till it’s their sister they have to take a balloon to in order to wish them a happy birthday? Are they okay with their grandchild never graduating or getting married? Because those are all things taken away from Aubreigh’s family, and far too many others.

We need to be raising the kids better. We need to be raising kind kids. When bullying is reported It needs to be handled swiftly and severe. More education so we all know what forms bullying takes and how it starts. Often times it gets shoved under the rug a few times before anyone is even talked to. And we need to be handling it the first time and immediately. Not the second time or third. When all these schools say they have a zero tolerance bullying policy, they need to actually mean it. They need to discipline like they mean it. The punishments need to be more than a suspension..I  also believe that they need better counselors hired on at school. We need to stop teaching kids to accept any unkind treatment. Stop saying “Boys will be boys” or “Just walk away”. Have you ever tried to walk away from a bully? It often makes them mad and whatever they do worse. Not to mention they can just follow you and often times they do. The groups made with Kids being bullied and their bully to make amends and learn how to be together needs to stop.

Parents shouldn’t be living in fear of sending their kids to school because they are worried about the bullying they may face. Altering things about their children or going out of their way to attempt to make sure all is trendy and give them everything in hopes someone doesn’t make fun of them. The idea of when a child is born the choice of name is a huge task. So as to try them and make sure that name won’t set your kid up to be picked on.  No parent should  be called down to the school for it. Not receiving texts while at work of the bullying done. Your child begging to be picked up from school or not attend at all.  And most of all no parent should ever find their child deceased, notes from them or bury them. Parents aren’t supposed to bury their children.

It’s incredibly sad that we won’t know who these kids would’ve grown up to be or the things they could’ve accomplished. Maybe one was the next Einstein. Now they are incredible and beautiful angels.

My heart goes out to the families and friends of those affected by suicide and who have lost someone due to it. My heart goes out to all the first responder that take those calls. My prayers go to you. I ask God to hold these sweet angels close to his chest and they know no more pain. I wish that we continue to speak their names and honor their beautiful lives.I pray we continue to fight. I will continue to advocate for change.

If you or someone you know is struggling please reach out. There are people there and that truly care. There is help out there. You can reach the national Suicide hotline is 988 and is open 24/7. Please reach out! And I pray that you know it can get better and there is so much yet to see and do. A permanent solution to a temporary problem a lot of folks say.

THANK YOU
I give you all my love!🧡

Posted on July 4, 2024Tags 988, action, angel, Aubreigh wyatt, bullying, Change, death, grief, heartbreak, heather wyatt, justice, mental health, pain, prayers, sadness, suicide, Teen, youngLeave a comment on Another angel…

Legends never die…

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family and friends of Jerry West. I know all too well the grief of loosing such a pivotal person. An incredible man and icon of the game literally. He is the NBA icon. I pray that he enjoys the amazing team that is in heaven.

When I make the statement that legends never die this is true. Jerry West will live  on.  He is the logo of the NBA. When we teach kids and other people of the beautiful game we get to tell his story every time we look at the icon.

Sadly we have lost so many amazing players. We recently lost Bill Walton as well. Someone close to my grandfather and someone I have seen a good handful. A kind man.

My prayers go out to the families truly. These are incredible losses… But I ask that you think about a realization I had in mourning my grandpa. We as the family and friends aren’t the only ones mourning, largely the world is mourning too. Take comfort in talking to them and sharing their love and memories. Know that the pain and missing them isn’t just you. I found comfort in that. I had the whole state of Massachusetts to Stand with me as well as many other people and places around the world.

The team being built in heaven is truly incredible. I wouldn’t run around trying to start a pick up game though… You got more than a handful of olympic athletes. Plenty of the best basketball players to ever play the game. Plus some amazing coaches.

All my love.

Posted on June 12, 2024Tags Basketball, bill russell, bill walton, celtics, death, goat, grandpa, grief, jerry west, Legend, logo, nbaLeave a comment on Legends never die…

An angel gained her wings…..

I will begin this post and provide some trigger warnings. Continue at your own discretion.

This post contains the following triggers:
suicide and suicidal thoughts
bullying
death
psychiatric hospital stays

A sweet young girl in my community just passed away. She lost her life due to suicide. She was only 16 years old. A baby. It started with her going missing, the community came together and did everything we could. My husband and I even searched for her. After three days we unfortunately got the update none of us wanted to hear. They had found her body. Her death emphasizes that bullying needs to be taken way more seriously and harsh punishments for those that do it. Especially if their bullying leads to someone’s death.

Sweet Jenzele lost her life due to bullying, they were relentless. She was a very sweet girl, and a loved member of the community. This absolutely should not have happened. I hope that those who bullied her are thinking hard and understand they killed someone. Driving someone to their death is the same as any violent killing. Jenzele was active in her community and school. She was a very kind and loving girl. On the cheer squad, apart of DECA, a great big sister and friend. Hundreds of people showed up for the candle light vigil. And a memorial began to grow. People and friends left behind notes written to her. Every single one of them talked about how Sweet,caring,empathetic, and helpful, she was. Notes of how eager she was to help anyone and listen to them. She was what she needed. I truly believe that she was this way, so that others did’t feel the way she did. We look back to people like Robin Williams. It’s said that usually the nicest people are those that are hurting the most. Jenzele was a perfect example of this. The notes mentioning how she always made time to listen to others.

Why do people always wait until it’s too late? Waiting till someone passes away before telling them or showing them how much they mean to you, How much you love them. Why is it that at someone’s funeral it is the first time they have heard I love you in years or if ever. Waiting to tell them how much they mean to us, and how much their presence means in our lives. We say in a eulogy what we should have said months ago to them. The first out pour of love and support…This has to change. I love you’s and appreciation shouldn’t just be uttered at a casket or grave side. Think about how many more lives that could be saved with one simple change. People need to hear that they are loved and valued. That a twenty minute conversation is better than twenty minutes of someone saying you passed away. Waiting till someone passes to be a better person. We always think we have more time.

As a child I was bullied. Not minor name calling or just getting shoved around. Day in and day out it was relentless. I was beat up, one of these instances even having my head thrown into the wall while in line in Elementary school. Teachers making it worse if not silent. A racial nickname given to me by a teacher. Allowing the kids to pick on me in class. Girls teaming up. Using their religion to tell me God made a mistake when making me. Kids encouraging me to kill myself. Being followed home from school and getting beaten up. The list goes on. And there are many things I am yet to be able to forget. Most days I didn’t even go to school. There was one day etched into my mind That changed everything for me.

I walked to school everyday. I got there at a decent Time. In elementary school they had it set up so when you got to school in the morning you’d play with the other kids. I didn’t typically play with anyone. I tried my best not to exist. Well this morning happened to be picture day for my grade. I wasn’t wearing anything special or have a fresh hairdo. Low and behold she walks over to me. In my mind I am thinking it’s way too early for her to start something. Like I hadn’t even had breakfast yet. She comes over to me and starts talking crap.. nothing new until she looked me dead in the eyes and said ‘God doesn’t make mistakes but he made one when he made you.” That hurt. Hurt in way I cant even describe. I can still hear it in my ears today, I can close my eyes and watch it play out like a movie. I was in awe. I couldn’t believe she just said that… I didn’t know what to make of it. But it hurt. I was never the same after that. I got upset. I looked at her and said nope. I am not doing this today. Class hadn’t started attendance hadn’t been taken, so I turned and left. I wasn’t doing it.. I couldn’t.I was in elementary School when this happened. I am 25 years old now. It still rings in my ears, some days it even hurts a little still. I still have flashbacks like watching a re-run of a tv show. I carry it with me every day. People try to tell you words don’t hurt and to let it roll off your back…and that’s a bunch of bullshit. Words do hurt and words will cut deep, they stay long after the wound has stopped bleeding. The words are something whispered in the back of your mind hovering like a dark cloud. Instead of telling kids to let it go and let it “roll off their backs “, we should try teaching kids not to bully. Not to harass and say things that leave a mark forever. Using religion to deliver that blow was more than I could ever have imagined. And that was one of the first times I thought about killing myself. And the first attempt. Now mind you I was a young kid…. So I didn’t fully understand it. But I thought about hanging myself in the living room of our house and I then thought about stabbing my self. I went to the kitchen and found the biggest knife we had and held it pushed into my chest. I wasn’t strong enough or wise enough to know how to stab myself but I drew a little blood. I set the knife down and cried on the kitchen floor. In elementary I had decided I didn’t want to be alive anymore.

I went to my mother with the support of one of my closest and one of like five friends I had. I told her what was happening. She and my sister were out raged. Both of them paying a few visits to the school. When it came time, we say with school officials and a police officer. The school counselor was brought in.

Here is another reason kids loose their life to suicide.

I had told my school counselor about the bullying. We had taken health class and they taught us all about bullying. What it was, how it happens, the different kinds and what to do if it happens to you or another kid. During the lesson, in one of the example videos I related. My brain said wait a minute, this is what is happening to me.

Another moment etched into my memory. One replaying like an old re-run.

I went to the school counselor. I was in the hall after being picked on and sent out because I had an emotional outburst. Up walks the school counselor, asking what is going on. I tell her and I then say (insert name here) is bullying me. She looks me in the eyes and says that’s a big thing to say, a very serious claim. Then proceeds to say ” I highly doubt that’s the case, I don’t think you understand the word.” I was in shock.I gave up.Another memory etched so deep I can watch the replay. I had just learned all about bullying. I was pretty sure I knew exactly what it was, I also know that in solving everything says report to the teachers. I was speaking up on the immense hurt inflicted…I knew that I was being bullied. But with that response I never went to a teacher again. Why would I? They don’t believe me and minimize what I’m feeling. There’s no point. So I just knew I’d have to suffer. Until one day where things got dangerous and it was no longer something I could endure. My life was at stake. Followed home by a kid and a gun. But I don’t know bullying is, right?

After a good chunk of time and lots of asking, we finally moved and put me in a new school district. far away. No one knew me. It honestly saved my life. I don’t know where I would be if it wasn’t for moving. But you hear stories like mine and sadly many others of kids, and the ones that became angels. This shouldn’t be a common occurrence. There shouldn’t be statistics. Movies, shows, books, all trying to educate and share the stories of the hard fights. Kids shouldn’t need to move away to be safe or have to get the police involved. They shouldn’t be driven to the point of taking their lives and sometimes others. It definitely should never be considered some right of passage “we all go through”. We shouldn’t need laws in order for schools to do the right things and disipline the students. This is all too common a headline. The lack of action from school and parents of the bullies is not only sad but maddening. I wonder how many lives that could have been saved. Like in my situation brushing kids off or telling them they are wrong is one of the worst ways to handle it. The kid then doesn’t see a point in reporting it anymore and it escalates. Do they call it bullying, once the student/kid is dead? We need to be better and do better.

My prayers and love go out to Jenzeles family and friends as well as the community. I also send my love and prayers to those who have lost a loved one or a friend. Or to be the person struggling with suicidal thoughts. You’re not alone.I have been in the same position. Life is worth it, life will get better. Someone loves you, I love you. But most importantly God loves you. Please reach out and seek help. There are so many great resources. It’s okay to need help.There are so may things worth life. If I would have succeeded, I wouldn’t have my husband, my nieces and nephews, my fur baby or some of the amazing memories. The bullies aren’t right. A little while back I went and accepted a very prestigious award. This was in presence of government officials and state senators. So the kids that bullied me, them telling me I’m nothing. They are so wrong. There are great things ahead …you will look back and think “wow, and they made me feel so bad”. Don’t let them hold you back or limit your potential.

I will continue my activism and work on suicide prevention and anti-bullying. There is so much work to still be done. Lives to save. Ghandi once said “be the change you wish to see in the world” and in the Bible Jesus said “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works…” in Matthew 5:16

Be kind. Love one another.

Posted on May 6, 2024Tags bullying, Change, death, fight, growth, kids, love, pain, sadness, school, suicide, Teen3 Comments on An angel gained her wings…..
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